We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
