dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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