I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this boner is exhausting
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
