o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
