God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
