You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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