There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
