i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
