I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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