I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
