It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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