8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
