my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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