i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
