Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
