It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
