when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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