I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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