mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
