dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
