no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
