We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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