i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
