Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
