So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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