Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
