happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
