I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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