we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
