Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was born a porn star she said
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
