I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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