did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize