plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
