My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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