my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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