I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
