Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So squirting runs in the family.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
