Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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