I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
