he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
