there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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