idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
this is an emotional support booty call
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
