I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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