Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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