Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
