Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
