Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
