The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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