plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
