No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and she was petting her beer can
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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