It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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