this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
