That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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