you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
