He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
