Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
