Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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